Learn Today: Tech on Film Jessica Jones 2015 Part 2

Monday, July 23, 2018

Tech on Film Jessica Jones 2015 Part 2

Continued from Tech on Film: Jessica Jones (2015) Part 1

Note: As mentioned in Part 1 of this series, the somewhat strong TV show review for this Unsolicited But Offered article was written with input by my old college friend, Jaymee (not her real name). I learned early on in my technical career never to discuss politics and gender-related topics, but my politically-minded college buddy vehemently called me out by being a male pussy. Her ideas dont necessarily reflect my own though, and Id rather write an article about FreeBSD.

Unsolicited Review: Jessica Jones (2015)

Jessica Jones (2015) tries its best to portray the protagonist (Krysten Rytter) as a tortured individual, but fails badly in every respect. In fact, Jessica is the only character that is likable in this overrated show, and her drinking problem is overstated (the writers clearly had no idea how much alcohol young people drink these days). Trish Walker (Rachael Taylor) started strong, until she started sleeping with Will the Idiotic Moron (hereby referred to as the Idiotic Moron for the rest of the article). Walker quickly became a 70s Robin (a Batman reference referring to being a liability rather than an asset), rather than the strong character the writers thought they were introducing. As Jaymee would point out in the next section, the show is ambitious and tries to tackle many serious themes, but fails to address any of them very well, and uses artificial feminism to dress up an otherwise dull and illogical storyline.

Note: Obviously, Jessica Jones was popular to comic book fans and Millenials, both of which are well-known for being distracted by shallow discussions on adult themes, gratuitous violence and gore, sex, and poorly choreographed action (fans of the excrement that was Iron Fist).

Matt Murdock would reuse Jessicas scarf in The Defenders (2017).

Im not a fan of Doctor Who, but David Tennant, who was exceptional in Broadchurch, once again shows off how much better British actors are, even in small roles. His script is badly written, but his presence alone makes Jessica Jones worth watching. Ritter isnt a convincing action hero, but her complete change from bubbly Chloe in Dont Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23 to super-powered detective Jessica is laudable (Im a guy and I enjoyed Apartment 23). Carrie-Ann Moss holds her own in an unforgivingly unlikeable and (once again) poorly-written character. The three thespians deserve so much better than the show.

Krysten Ritter in Dont Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23 was fantastic and showed off great comedic timing and her leggy model-looks.

Having been a fan of MacGyver (1989) and 70s-80s Spider-Man comic books, Im used to coincidences and forced plot points, but for a modern show such as Jessica Jones, its ridiculous watching writers forcing events to occur just to move the story along. Example: Jessica getting knocked unconscious by that moronic sister was ridiculous considering she can survive the full impact of a truck/bus after three nights without sleep.

Like a lot of TV shows, writers and directors have to craft plot twists and side stories to keep audiences interested, invested, and surprised, but intelligent audiences would notice several dozen plotholes and contrived events even if they werent looking for them. Like a magic show, Jessica Jones has scenes designed to distract and shock viewers, preventing them from noticing the overall direction of the plot. The sole Asian character who dies by swallowing a grass cutter was one example. Unlike morons on the Internet, I rarely nitpick when it comes to movies and TV shows, preferring to enjoy them as much as I can instead, but the show could have been titled "Killgrave once again escapes with ease" rather than Jessica Jones.

Jaymees Jessica Jones Review

Brian, the author of Unsolicited But Offered, knows nothing about women. He knows the 7 types of bra clasps but nothing else. The only reason why females praised Jessica Jones is because its written in the same vein as an ANTHOLOGY OF EROTICA FOR WOMEN. Dont believe me? Look at my list:

Temporary "hot" Black lover with a big dong and a Harley Davidson (the boring Mike Colter as the boring Luke Cage)
Target of obsession of a good-looking, posh British (yummy David Tennant)
Main character in a TV show
Tall, 10% body fat, badass female detective (Krysten Ritter)
Rich, successful, blonde best friend (Rachael Taylor) who relies on you but knows Krav Maga
Kinky sex with a would-be killer (Will the Idiotic Moron)
Female super hero who saves the day who is the target of obsession by four men
Lesbian successful lawyer (Carrie-Ann Moss) with an attractive secretary who she is having an affair with
Loyal, good-looking Black Australian neighbour (Eka Darville/Malcolm) whos a drug addict and dependent on you and defends you like a dog with hair to match
Target of obsession of a White, retarded neighbour with a disapproving sister

Feminist show? F*ck that. It takes both Jessica and a drug-enhanced Walker to take out Will the Idiotic Moron? I mean, Geri Halliwell or Mel B can crack that guys nut on their own. I practically threw my tablet at my Panasonic (Brian: Jaymee uses a 40" OLED from Samsung Series 6 UE40F6400). I kept waiting for f*cking Spidey to swing into the room and knock Will the Idiotic Moron unconscious with a single finger to Will the Idiotic Morons testicle.

Don Cheadle (Iron Man 2), Chadwick Boseman (Civil War), and Laurence FIshbourne (The Matrix Trilogy) are great actors, but Mike Colter? Colter made Luke Cage, an already boring character since the 70s, even more uninteresting than he already is (Luke Cage books were awful). DC characters in WB may be cartoonish and one-dimensional, but theyre at least fun and interesting - Luke Cage is the stereotypical macho garbage with Colters two expressions (angry and angry with gritted teeth). Terry Crews would have made Luke Cage not only likable, but less the stereotypical big Black dick.

Hogarth and Killgrave are understandably the villains of the show, but none of the characters, save for Jessica, are remotely human. The "whack-job" sister, Will the Idiotic Moron, Luke Cage the most boring superhero in New York, Hope (the greatest example of someone without hope), the patronizing drug addict, Reuben the second Idiotic Moron, the Lesbian divorcee-to-be, the British parents from Hell, and the sceptical incompetent Black policeman. Even the nurses and morgue attendants are unlikeable. Yes, New Yorkers can be worst than Paris locals, but not all of them are annoying assholes or douchebags.

To writers of Jessica Jones: Complex New York characters dont have to be arseholes.

Finally, if you draw a plot map of Jessica Jones, youll quickly notice the story keeps repeating itself, with the enhanced Killgrave plot inserted out of nowhere and Hogarth really only serving as a plot tool to have Killgrave escape (twice). The plot map ends with Claire Temple, who has become the most used exercise equipment in the Marvel Netflix gym. (Score 2 out of 5).

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